Just kind of thinking out loud.

So, I found a job. It's a great opportunity, if I turn out to be any good at it. It's with a company called Supreme Systemz....they sell Kirby vacuums. Not the most fun sounding job right? Being a sales man (or woman in my case) but you know what? I can make a ton of money. The lady who runs our office moved $1million last year. It's easy to get promoted, and the machine really sells itself so it should be easy if I just stick with it. I'm still going to take my CNA state boards and continue on with EMT classes next term...just in case. But this company offers a weekly bonus of $300 and has a ton of contests with free, all-expenses paid, all-inclusive trips and other fun stuff. The down fall is they only advertise by word of mouth. No commercials, no magazine ads or anything like that. We have to get our own referrals and the only way to get the machine is by having someone come to your home and show it to you. That's hard for someone like me who has no family around and a few friends. Oh well, I'm going to stick with it and see if I can get better at it. I'm just happy to have a job finally. Going back to work has been tough. Today is really my first day off since I started (on the 16th) and I'm so mentally and physically exhausted, I don't feel like 2 days is enough time for me to recuperate. It's a commissioned job, and until I get better, working every day is something I might have to do. It's a little frustrating but those bonuses and contest prizes are worth it...and of course being able to pay bills AND have spare money...I just want to be good at it now.

It's Christmas Eve tonight. Lili will have a decent amount of gifts under the tree, but only a few are from us. I hate that. I know she's only 1 and wont even remember it, but I just want to give her everything I never had. I think Adam has a hard time understanding that. She had so much fun when she was opening presents on her birthday, I didn't want it to end. And tomorrow will be the same, although a lot of them are clothes and she wont be as interested in those as she was all her toys. I just love to see her so happy. A baby's smile and laugh is the most truest thing in the world. They don't know how to fake a smile or laugh just to please us. It's pure happiness that causes those cute little giggles and grins. I want to be able to see that all the time. I want to spoil her--and there is a difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat. I want to give her things every little girl wants that I didn't have. As soon as she's old enough, I want to buy her the toy kitchen and vanity. I want her to have the pink Barbie car she can drive around in our yard (assuming we'll have a yard of our own at that time). Like I said, there is a difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat. The kids on MTV's My Sweet 16...those are spoiled brats. Lili wont be like that. I'll spoil her, when she deserves it. I will teach her to be thankful for what she has and tantrums at the age of 16 for the car she wants will not be tolerated.

But right now, she deserves everything in this world. And I can't give it to her just yet. I hate it. I wish I had found my job sooner. Maybe 2010 will be the year our financial situation gets better, and stays better. Maybe 2010 will be the year I make a New Year's resolution and actually keep it. No, no maybe. It will be. That's one thing I've learned so far in this job. Words like "maybe" and "try" are bad words. Any word that leaves room for failure is unacceptable. Will is a good word. 2010 WILL be the year our finances get better and I WILL keep my New Year's resolution to make it happen.